My life… is seriously crazy right now. I’d rather not go into too much detail, except to say that I am away from my husband and it seems every attempt he makes to talk to the people about getting us a house on base, and getting me down there, are being thwarted. Either by weather severe enough that they lock down the base, because he couldn’t get out of school soon enough, or on the one day everything is fine the house people decide to take a day off!!! WTH!!!
He is having a hard time adjusting to getting in trouble for someone else’s mistakes. I mean, it goes so far in that department that his building gets punished even when the guys in the ATP building get stupid. I truly don’t understand that, and I hate that he’s going through this. He was never one to get into trouble to begin with, he was always the good one growing up, and now he’s getting punished for everything and anything when it isn’t even his fault! RIDICULOUS!!!!
At every step of this, I ask God if this is meant to be. Is he meant to be in the military? I don’t know, and I can’t tell him what to do either. He went into the military to take care of us, but with all this crap going on I have started wondering if it is the best for us. If this is how it’s going to be for him, with him being miserable, I don’t want it. I want us to be happy, not miserable, but I also know this time will pass… I hope anyway.
If any military wives out there can relate to what I’m saying, or have any advice of how to get through this or help me help him through this really, I would appreciate it. We are both deeply depressed, but another thing that pushes us both further, to try to make this work, is that this is the best start for us we can think of. His job is very highly sought after, and will yield a high income in the civilian world after he gets out. We just have to make it there, and deep down I know we will. We are stronger than we think we are. I think deep down I know he won’t get out, but that aside, it’s not my decision. He has to decide which way to go, but no matter what, I will support him. I know that no matter what he decides, we will move forward and we will prevail. We will find another way to start out good and we will come out on top. We are too strong to be defeated and I have faith not only in Roibien’s strength and extremely responsible mind, but also in God’s strength. He will take care of us and He will make sure we stay strong.
In times like these, I always seem to tell myself that He will not push us beyond our limits. He knows exactly how much we can handle, and will never leave these troubles a second longer than is needed. So, all I can think is that I guess we can handle a little bit more of this. One or both of us needs this time of trouble to build something, fix something, or get rid of something within ourselves. We can handle a little more, but I feel that this time of hardship is coming to an end. Finally, the dates for things to start happening are coming into succession and that can’t be coincidence. I just hope the Lord let’s these plans stay on course.
I miss my husband so bad it hurts in my chest, but I must resist the urge to crawl back into the hole of depression. Now, I don’t mean to go out on a limb with this, but I feel I must share this with you for a moment. My mother use to tell me that the devil loves words that start with ‘D’, which seems true to me. Just think of all the terrible things that start with ‘D’; destruction, devastation, deformation, desolation, disobey, depression, defeat, despair, disloyal, distrust, etc. You get the picture. Well, now I also must tell you that I was born with an extremely strong will, one which got me into lots of trouble as a child, but now aids me in situations such as these.
I look at this as a fight against the devil. He wants me in that hole of depression, to admit defeat and curl into a ball and cry in despair. Well, I will not! I put away my fears and worry every day and the hot fire of the Lord burns in my chest. He gave me this gift of iron will for a reason, and I won’t let it go to waste. I will put on the armor of the Lord and defeat the devil in this battle.
That’s just how I feel on that matter. Now onto the highly overdue defeat of Writer’s Block.
My writer’s block did present its ugly face in large part from the depression that had been subtly creeping into my mind over these last several months. Fear and doubt are closely intertwined, one supplementing the other. Doubt of the level of ability, fear of inadequacy, rejection, and ultimately failure. These thoughts only allowed my writer’s-block-itis to build in potency until it completely had my creatives locked in their cages, seemingly forever. This, and with all the other thoughts reigning over my brain kept me from even reading. Yes, I admit it. I stopped reading, for a long time. I couldn’t focus on a book enough to get out of the hectic world that surrounded and so I eventually stopped trying. For a while there I was so stressed out I could barely think, but thankfully, that time has finally passed.
I have started reading again, and in fact, I’m almost done with “Eon” by Alison Goodman, so expect a review on that within a few days. Also, since starting this exercise of putting away all fears and worries every day, I’ve started writing again. It’s not full-blown yet, but I’m steadily nursing my deprived creatives back to their full health and ridding them of their near fatal encounter with the deadly writer’s-block-itis.
P.S. If you would like some more strong and uplifting words to help you through the hard times in your own life, please check out “His Princess Warrior” by Sheri Rose Shepherd. I love this little book, and my sister has “His Princess” also by Sheri.
Now, go out there and kick something’s ass! (Figuratively, that is but hey, if you have to literally kick someone or something in the ass, do it, just don’t tell anyone I advised it.)